Weak Reception

I'm Waiting God

2009-08-04T21:56:00.001-07:00

A good friend once tried to convince me to trust and wait on the Lord. “Create a plan”, they said. Fast, pray, take time alone. “Make rules”, they followed with. What to say and what not to say. How to act and how not to act. “If you want wisdom, if you want answers.... trust and wait on the Lord.”

Trusting and Waiting.... why are these the two hardest things to do in my life? I want answers, I want certainty, and I want it now. I want to take hold of my life and the direction its going and decide what is best. For some odd reason I keep telling myself that I know what that is. Foolishness.

I find myself on an hourly basis worrying about where my life is going and who I’m going to share it with. I think about what I need to say to who, and what I can do to make sure I get what I want. I’ve found that I’m a little too far ahead of myself though. Because I thought I knew what I wanted, and to be honest I still think I do. But in the end it comes down to him. It comes down to me trusting and waiting. It’s the scariest thing i’ve ever began to embark on in my life, and I’m afraid.

A good friend once told me, “God is not a safe, but he is good.”

You

2009-07-27T19:01:00.001-07:00

When my mind is blank it's easy to step forward. One thought is like 3 steps back. Control is not an easy task. So what's going to happen when i see you? I've never ran a marathon backwards before...

Mercy Me!

2009-07-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Church today was amazing! We learned about the power of mercy... How we can show mercy to others just as God has shown mercy to us. In fact, it goes even deeper then that...

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

God is good. This is my prayer...

Lord let me spend time today with the people you wan't me to spend time with...
If I'm the student, help me learn well. If I'm the teacher, help me act humbly.

Time to be Alone

2009-07-25T01:04:00.000-07:00

I've had a revelation since i got back from Oregon and it has nothing to do with anyone I know. For some odd reason I have had a craving for time alone. If you know me at all then you know this is pretty crazy for me to be saying, but i swear to you its true. I never knew how fulfilling it was to spend the majority of my time by myself. I read a friends blog the other day about life. They were talking about wanting to live their life, and not just exist. But I've taken their views in a different vain. For a little bit i just want to exist... I don't want to live. Is that bad? I don't know... but its been working out for me.

I've never been able to feel this close to god before. I guess you could say its like fasting.... but from your friends, not food. It's totally different then i thought it would be, but more rewarding then i could have imagined. I find myself digging into my bible on a regular basis. Praying when I'm bored, and simply meditating on life and life decisions when I'm at home. This might not be for everyone, but for me, it feels like its been a life savor.

Now onto a different topic. Kinda...

I can't say I'm super happy with where I'm living and the direction my life is going. Getting away from Arizona for a week started scrambling up my future goals and direction for life. There was a little bit of a road block I encountered before I left that had to do with a group of my closest friends. The road block wont be talked about for sake of time and space on this blog, but it was something that pushed me farther away from the people I love. I know it wasn't intended to. In fact, the intention was just the opposite. I just couldn't help but take it the way my heart did, and not my mind. And now I'm sitting here, day after day, torn between loving the alone time I'm having and trying not to tell myself that I'm having alone time to spite my friends. I guess some of the greatest things in life come from when you are rock bottom.... but when do you start to pull yourself back to the surface?

A BIRD

2009-06-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

I wish I was a bird
I wish I was a bird in love

Constantly pursuing the one I adore
Repeatedly failing
My persistence would be beautiful

I wish I was a bird in love

Hello Blog

2009-06-12T02:36:00.000-07:00

First off, i want to apologize for not using you in over a year. I never want you to feel that neglected! Secondly, i promise you i am going to start giving you more attention. I just need to get the words sorted in my brain first. You will be there first to know when i do. I love you. I'm so sorry. Until next time...

Your beloved owner,
Chris

Untitled

2007-09-28T00:43:00.000-07:00

There’s a hallway of life between these trees. If we could only see the truth at the end of the path. Remembering the fact that their eyes won’t reach that far; they walk away. It’s their lack of faith that steers them. Do you trust in me? If you do, then let me guide you through this light dusting of clouds. I knew you would follow; you always do. Now random shadows paint the ground as we tip-toe through perfect shades of grey. As we get closer, my vision starts to fade. My eyes blurry, like a mothers standing at her sons grave. I thought I was strong enough, to handle this on my own. We always make the same mistakes. Turn if you want to leave, ill understand. I'll be your blameless culprit once again. As you twist toward the wrong route at the fork in the path; I’ll understand.
…I understand.

The Thought Of Love

2007-09-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

words pour out
like water from fountains
free for all
to take advantage

some kill like oceans
others scratch like streams
still, no one tries
to control their own

but what, of when,
words aren’t spoken?
the calm before the storm.
the evil thoughts
the wicked views;
hidden behind expressions

putting forth smiles
filled with laughter
in order to trick
the ones they adore

well, ill take your words
over knowing your thoughts
cause I’m afraid of finding
nothing but love

I Love Poetry

2007-09-25T10:49:00.001-07:00

I have a poetry writing class this semester and its reminded me about how much i love poetry! It also reminded me of all the psalms and the song of songs in the bible. Poetry has been such a huge factor in christian society and its a great way to worship! i hope you enjoy my stuff, comment if you have any suggestions or feelings that are created from the words!

The Door

I knock.
but no one ever answers
Sometimes I wonder
if ill ever stop this madness

I wait.
and I never know what for
I get drawn to this place and time,
its like glue to my soul
But why am I so curious
of something so unknown?

Days have gone by,
or maybe minutes;
I don’t discern
I know one thing,
that someone will answer
If they would just hurry up
I could get on with life
I could leave this retched knocking
and fill my sore ears
With music made
that only the angels
could enjoy

That’s it, I’m done,
I’ve had enough of this today
Change of pace is what I need
to fix my bleeding hands
Not too much though,
for upon healing its back I go
To this old door
that’s haunted my life
for years gone by
But soon someone will answer,
and then it will reward

Choir Of The Broken!!!

2007-04-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

Choir Of The Broken!!! We are finally having a concert here in town and i am supper excited about playing in front of all my friends. My feelings are a little torn though; and its because i am a perfectionist. Part of me doesn't care about how many people show up, because as long as there is one person there worshiping the Lord with all their heart, then my job is complete. But there is that other side of me that cant help but feel like i am a failure if there isn't more people then i expect to be there. The more i think about it though, the more this applies to every part of my life. I think about all the things i have done in the past years, and all the people that i have met. Either through YoungLife, or just meeting new people on the campus of my school. I know because of my own selfishness that i have lost a lot of chances to show people how much i love the Lord. And be able to share the word with them. This time though i am going to be strong. No matter who shows up, no matter how many people are there, i'm going to be in control of my feelings, and give back to the Lord everything that he has given back to me. He has blessed me with the amazing talent of playing the drums, and i will praise him with all that i am for that.

Thank you Lord, for you are good....

http://www.myspace.com/choirofthebroken

Life Is Great

2007-03-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those lazy days for me. Even though so much happened, I let it slip right past me and before I knew it, the day was over. Do you ever let that happen to you? Any way’s; Even with all the stuff going on though out the day, I had this feeling, deep inside my gut. It’s kind of a nauseous feeling, but I know that I’m not sick. It always happens to me on days when I am just beat, and I decide to do absolutely nothing but be lazy. I don’t know why its there, or what its there for. All I do know for sure is that when I let life slip by and be lazy for a day, it comes. I’ve been thinking all night about this “feeling”, and about all my decisions I made today concerning my actions and my thoughts. See; I love to ask questions. And I believe that all followers of Jesus Christ should be asking question after question, day after day. Questions are good. They are not scary. What is scary are people who don’t have any. And like Rob Bell says, “what is tragic is faith that has no room for them”. The reason why questions are so beautiful is that they give us freedom. Freedom that I don’t have to be God and I don’t have to pretend that I have it all figured out. I can let God be God. Remember that “when everything gets answered its fake. The mystery is the truth.” – Sean Penn. I am not afraid to ask questions, and I was asking them all night long. I started to think about everything I’ve been learning in the past few months. I thought about everything from getting in tune with perfect reality, to learning how to spend my quite time. And just then it hit me like a ton of bricks; a slap from Jesus if you will. I asked myself this one question, “What have we been grateful for today?”

WOW. How could I have been so blind? Just realizing all the amazing things God as put in my life today, and I just looked right past everything. Even the little things that occur everyday; but I never think of them. Why don’t we go through my day together so we can both see how stinkin’ blessed I am (and I’m not trying to brag. Most of us in America are guilty of blindness towards our blessings. It just feels really good to start realizing your own.).

Here’s a short list of things that went on in Chris Ward’s life today….

1). Woke up with two of my best friends. (Yes, we had a sleep over)
2). My sister came down from Anthem for the day to hang out with me.
3). I got to play amazing, glorifying, and really loud worship for my church.
4). I got to hand out with a group of my best friends after church.
5). I went swimming with everyone from church and with all my roommates. (We love to jump off the roof. And for all my Oregonian friends back home, yes it’s March 12th and I’m already swimming.)
6). Went to practice for a big Easter recital at my church. (Recital isn’t always a great word that makes you feel excited about anything, but I got to play the drums. And not matter where, when, or for what; if I’m playing the drums, I’m content.)
7). Hung out and relaxed, played ping-pong, shot some pool, watched movies, played video games, and took a nice nap.

What a day! And there is so much more that I am thankful for. But when I was going over this list I was thinking about a lot more things. I started to ask even more questions. Doesn’t this look like the typical American list of blessings to be thankful for? It’s always a list of everything that we DON’T take for granite. What about all those small things that happen every day of our life. See we have convinced our selves that they are going to be there tomorrow. But isnt that just defying God? Isn't our confidence of what will come tomorrow kind of an open invitation for God to come and take it away? THANK GOD for a roof over my head. THANK YOU JESUS for shoes on my feet and something in my stomach. Aren’t these just as much, if not more of a blessing then the list above? I don’t know though, you tell me what is more important; a swimming pool or food in my stomach? A drum set or a roof over my head? Everyday I look past these things because I always think of them as these little blessings. Just like everyone else, i look past them beause i am confident that they will be there tomorrow. But who am I to test God’s power? How do I know for certain that all these things will be there tomorrow? I don’t; and neither does anyone else on this planet. But now I do know to thank God for everything I have, while I have it. Even those little things in life. My shoes, my shirts, my jeans, my toothbrush, my running water, my crappy old car, my cellphone. How could i have ever been so selfish? Think about your life, and your blessings. What are you thankful for; and what should you be thankful for?

It’s kind of funny though, now that I understand; because that feeling I had in my stomach all day, just seemed to disappear……

Remember to keep asking those questions.... they will help you grow.

.......thank you Jesus.........

Open My Eyes

2007-03-09T00:56:00.000-08:00

Love people even in their sin, for that is the semblance (appearance) of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all of God’s creation, the whole and ever grain of sand of it. Love every leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love the animals, love the plants; love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Once some one told me, “all truth is God’s truth”. Many people believe in many different religions around the world, and say that they believe in different things then us “Christians” do. What we as Christians need to understand is that we don’t know it all. Nor will we ever know it all; until we ascend into heaven. But if we realize this (that we don’t know everything), and believe it, that will set us apart from others. If we understand that there is no way to know every truth about God, or every truth about life, then we will be able to see truth all around us. You can even see truth through the eyes of an atheist. Love everything around you, and God will show you his truth. Center your whole life on love, and you will see Jesus. Because he told us that he is the way, the TRUTH, and the light. All truth is God’s truth, no matter whose mouth it comes from.

Most of us believe that there is some secret to God. That one day we are going to dig something up, or read something new in the Bible, and all his secrets are going to be revealed to us. Some people believe that you need to do good deeds to understand God. Or that you need to pray every day, and he will reveal himself to you. What these people don’t understand is that there is no answer. What they don’t understand is that this reality that we are living in, this “life”, is God. It’s not a matter of problem-solving; it’s a matter of consciousness. Open your eyes, and enjoy the NOW, because that’s God. Understand that you can’t earn God. You can’t prove yourself worthy of God. Feelings God’s presence is simply a matter of awareness.

This is a conversation between a Zen master to his disciple…. Listen to this truth.

“Is there anything I can do to make myself enlightened?”

-“As little as you can do to make the sun rise in the morning.”

“Then of what are the spiritual exercises that you prescribe?”

-“To make sure you are not asleep when the sun begins to rise.”

Father, help me open my eyes. Help me love my life; because love is the core of happiness. Love is the center and circumference that makes this pitiful world spin. If only we all knew that, think of how fast it would twirl with your truth. God I pray that I become more aware and more in tune with the reality around me. Then I will be able to see you with eyes that are my own. Eyes that shine light through the soul of my body, and reflect on my heart. Because when I am full of your light, I am full of love; I am full of you. I love you father, thank you for my life…..

Tree63 - All Because

2007-02-19T12:33:00.000-08:00

I want to set
The story straight
It's time to tell
The truth

I never could
Have come so far
If it were not
For You

You covered up my sin
You covered up my silence
You covered up my shame
You made me new again

Chorus:
It's all because of You...

They tell me to
Abandon You
To make my dreams
Come true

So what am I
Supposed to do?
I only dream
Of You

You covered up my sin
You covered up my silence
You covered up my shame
I am new again

It's all because of you...
____________________________________

This song is one of the simplest songs lyrically, but the talent of Tree63 brings it to life! This is by far my favorite song right now. I encourage everyone, whether you are a new believer or if you have been a believer your whole life, to listen to as much worship music as you can. God has given so many people on this earth the ability to play music, and there isn't a better way to connect to God then through musicians that are praising him with the talents he has given them. Music is an amazing gift from God, and look how the world is tainting it. Amen to those who use it the way it was suppose to be used. To praise our Father for everything he has given us. To me, music is one of the closest ways for us to connect to God and to show him we love him. So next time you hear that song you love on the radio, or in church, don't be afraid to close your eyes and raise your hands to praise our Lord, because he rejoices in it. He has joy in our love toward him.

In Tune With Reality

2007-02-11T00:35:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling you get deep down inside when you know that life is just going how it’s supposed to. That feeling that makes you constantly smile and laugh to yourself even though there isn’t anything funny going on. That feeling that makes you smile at every stranger that walks by, and say hello to them just because. Do you know that feeling? That feeling where you don’t know why you are so happy, but you don’t care because life has never felt better. Where you want to tell every person in the world how much you love them, and you’re not afraid to. The feeling that makes you experience life like a kid again, where you don’t know what to do with all the happiness going on inside of yourself. Do you know that feeling? Because for the past few day I’ve had that feeling non stop, and I don’t ever want it to end.

The past few days in my life, some pretty bad stuff has been going on. I know; it’s ironic isn’t it. After all I was saying about how great I’ve been feeling; now I’m telling you that some horrible stuff has been happening in my life. School wasn’t going good, and no matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t seem to ever get good grades on tests and homework. Work was even worse. We started new wine test that every employee had to take in order to keep working. I had no time to study wine because of all my school, YoungLife, and worship band stuff I had going on in my life. I need money just like everyone else does to pay bills, and my job wasn’t looking like it was going to provide for much longer. These were just the start of my problems. But for some reason, I still had this amazing feeling inside of me. I had no idea where it was coming from and that’s the exact question I starting trying to answer.

How?

To be honest I hadn’t been reading my bible as much as I would like to. I hadn’t been praying as often, and I started to get that feeling that everyone gets. That feeling that makes everyone always say, “I’m starting to fall away from God.” Remember that that sentence for me, because I’m going to talk about it later on. But to continue with what I was saying, I felt myself slowing taking that path opposite of the narrow one; that easy path in life. We’ve all been there before. We do and make whatever decisions we can to makes ourselves feel better and to make our own lives easier (I spoke about feelings in my last blog, read it over to learn more about them).

At first I tried to rule out God. After all I hadn’t felt as close to him as I have in the past. And during those times, when I felt like God was touching me with his own hand, I had not always felt the way I was feeling now. After a night of praying for clarity and vision, God decided to let me in on his little secret of life.

Jesus Christ. Have you heard of him?

He was there the entire time, and I just choose to not see him. But I forgot one little thing, that is a lot bigger then most of us understand it to be.

You see, God is. God is then, now, and forever. The writers of the bible, the most holy book, had trouble explaining God. They used the word “Yahweh” which translates from Hebrew as “I am”. God is everything. God is everywhere. He is always with you, in every part of your life, and the things surrounding you. God made the world and everything in it. He made it all for a reason, and he is part of everything in the world for a reason. He is in our bedroom, in our car, in our classrooms, in our work, in our kitchen; anywhere you have been or are going. He is. He is always there in everything going on in our life. And the greatest thing about it all, is that even if we don’t realize he is there working, he is still there. And that’s exactly what happened to me. I just decided to not realize God in my life. I decided (not on purpose), to forget he is the reason for everything. Remember what I said earlier on, about falling away from God? There is no way for us to “fall away” because he is in everything. Always there. How can you fall away from everything? You can’t, you just tell yourself you are, because we aren’t in control of your feelings like you should be. We let them take over again, and they try to tell us God isn’t here. And the whole time, He is present.

A while ago I decided to change the way I live to the way Jesus did, and do everything I can to live like him (or at least try). I did this because I decided that living like Jesus did is just a better way of living life. And scripture tells me that through God, I can do anything (Philippians 4:13). We are all living a “way” in life, and the way I chose to live is like Jesus. I try my hardest to be generous, to forgive, to have compassion, to listen to wisdom from others, and to be honest. All of these things I learned from Jesus, and reading scripture to learn how he lived. And over time I have realized that living like Jesus has started something deeper in my life. I have felt this constant feeling of joy and happiness. It’s because I have realized that this new way of living is “rooted in profound truths about how the world is” (Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis). I have this feeling inside because I am learning that I am living in tune with perfect reality.

Jesus’ intention was just this. He wants us to be in tune with everything going on around us. To completely be connected to reality at its deepest level. He wanted to show us God through his actions and words. And God is the ultimate reality. There is nothing more beyond God. Tie it all together. I try to live like Jesus, who is completely in connection with God, and this is the best possible way for me to live. This is the best possible way for me to be connected with all reality. And when I am connected to ultimate reality (God), I am happy.

I urge all of you to take one thing out of everything I have talked about. Understand that Jesus will expose you to reality. He won’t try to tell you that the world is about religion, but that it’s about reality. So I ask you, try your hardest to live like Jesus, and line yourself up with the way things are. And you will feel this happiness and amazement that I have been feeling, because you will be one with reality.

You will be one with God.

Dear father,
How perfect you are. Your words created the universe and everything in it. How majestic your love is. Your beautiful creations aw me day after day, and for some reason I still manage to make mistakes. You sent your only son to show me how to live, and how to understand reality; how to understand you and everything going on in my life. Lord I will try my hardest to live like Jesus, because I love you with every ounce of what I am. I want to know more about who you are, and I want to try to understand your love. Father take me and make me new through your son. Guide me and give me wisdom on my journey through life. And one day, I know I will understand. But until that day comes I will give me life over to you, for the glory of your kingdom.

In your precious name, Amen

God Is Bigger Then Our Feelings

2007-01-30T23:05:00.000-08:00

I want to talk to you about feelings.

Feelings are a funny thing. In today’s world, our whole lives are based around how we are feeling. No one really wants to admit it but there aren’t a lot of people that are able to control their feelings all the time. In fact, I don’t think I know one person that can do it. Feelings and emotions control everyone on this planet. And for Christians, that’s not a good thing.

Have you ever been up really late at night, and watched some of those stupid infomercials. I know you have, because they’re the only things on at night. And you’re not any different then everyone else; there is just something about those products that pulls us in. And all of a sudden you are really intrigued, thinking in your head, “man I could really use an all in one sweeper/duster/mop/vacuum. Hahaha…. ya. Anyways, have you noticed that even on normal commercials, and ads on buses or magazines, that the media is really grasping on to the fact that people are controlled by their feelings? Think of how many new drugs are coming out to help you overcome a feeling you have. There are pills for everything. There are pills out there for depression, for anxiety, for stress, even pills to help you poop more often. Ok so that one was a little out of line, but you get the point. There are pills for every possible emotion and feeling we could have or even want to have. And of course as the really smart and intellectual humans that we are, we buy into their product and waste our money on a temporary fix.

Notice that I said temporary, because that is the biggest thing about our feelings. They are never going to go away. We are always going to have a feeling about something, but the difference is how we are going to handle those feelings. Most of the time we decided to do things based on our feelings. But what is wrong with that way of dealing with feelings, is that what feels right today, doesn’t always feel right tomorrow.

Really think about that for a second in your head. Just say it over and over and think back on all the things you have done out strictly based on feelings. Do any of them really work out? Think of that car that you really wanted to buy at the time, has it really completely satisfied your feelings up to this point? Or what about those sunglasses that were going to make you look better then anyone? Oh man if you could only have those sunglasses, then everything would be better… well, is it?

Let me show you an example of feelings. I’m currently teaching a preschool at my college for psychology credits. I have a whole class or fifteen or so 2 to 3 year olds. First off, I love this class so much. It’s such a blessing to be put in a situation with these little kids, and just play with them and love on them all day. You have probably heard that phrase before, “faith like a child”. I always think of it when I am with them. Anyways, I’ve learned a lot about kids this age and how they react to situations. I have also learned many ways to deal with these little guys when they start going crazy! Its funny to see these kids balling their heads off because they don’t want mommy to leave, but as soon as I come up to them and say one word, like “dinosaurs”, they immediately forget that mom is even there, and sit down with me pretending that dinosaurs are destroying the train track! (A train track which I had so elegantly set up a half our prior to the kids coming, but that’s another situation all in itself). But do you see how easily their feelings are in control of them. Take now, for example, the feelings of a 3 year old, and put them in a 20 year olds body. Could you even imagine what they would act like? Even deeper, make that a 20 year old Christian’s body. We say to ourselves, “that’s ridiculous, I would never act like a little child”, but in our walk with God, even though we don’t want to admit it, we cant control our feelings anymore then one of my little preschoolers can control their own feelings.

I think its really funny how we try to come up with these sayings all the time that are excuses for why we are feeling a certain way. We say things like…

I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today…

-or-

I’m just having a real hard time right now…

Are these true? Really? Or are you just not in control of your feelings.

You see, feelings that our out of our control steal our confidence. Then slowly but surely we fall deeper and deeper into our feelings. We try over and over to do something right, in order to get a feeling. We need to stop that. Because there isn’t anything we can do right, to get a feeling that will give us happiness forever. We need to go to the one thing that is bigger then our feelings. We need to go to God.

I really feel that you can see where someone is at on their walk towards Christ based on the way they handle their feelings. As Christians we are suppose to be living above our feelings. But that is easier said then done.

Why are you so downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God.
-Psalm 42:5

Scripture shows us that there is only one thing we can put our trust in. When we are feelings down, or lazy, or unloved, God is the only thing that can break us free from our feelings. God is the only thing that is bigger then our feelings. And the best thing is, God knows how we are feeling. He already knows why you are feeling a way that you are feeling. And he is there, wanting to free you from those things that are making you mad, and upset, and sad, and lonely.

Look at how 1 John talks about how we need to live based on actions and truth, and not on our words and our tongues. Because he knows that we cannot control our feelings all by ourselves, but that we need God to help us know how to handle them.

Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater then our hearts, and he knows everything.
- 1 John 3:18-20

I love the last verse; …whenever our hearts condemn us. For GOD is GREATER then our hearts, and he knows EVERYTHING! In the New Living Translation it says;

…even when we feel guilty, God is greater then our FEELINGS and he knows everything.

See God is the only one that knows us, inside and out. He is the only one that knows how we are “feeling”. Not pills, psychiatrists, a new car, more money, a girlfriend, or anything else this world has to offer, are going to be able to know our feelings, and or replace our feelings. Feelings are always going to be there, and they only way to fix them is to understand how to handle them. And only God knows that. So trust in the Lord, and he will show you the true happiness of life. Imagine if you could make yourself happy all the time, with nothing more then the love of God. It’s possible, and we all can do it.

Dear Lord,
I pray that you will hear my call to you. God I know that my feelings are overtaking me and my everyday decisions. Lord, I ask you to help me control them, because you know my heart and the temptations that it’s having. I give all of myself up to you Lord, I know that you are good, and I trust in who you are. Help me have power over my tongue and my mind Lord, so that the emotions and choices I make everyday are to praise you, and are not choices made to make me feel good God your love makes me feel amazing, and I will love you with everything I have, because I know I can be happy in all things, if they are through you. Be with me Lord, and lead me closer to you. In your precious name I pray.
Amen

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.
- 1 John 2:15-17

2007-01-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny that our whole life we try to please others?
When we should be trying to please God....

We always try and compare ourselves to people.
When we should be trying to compare ourselves with Jesus.

Live life for our Lord, not for our world and its posessions.
Because He truly loves us, and the world only pretends to.
_______________________________________________________

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

~ 1 Corinthians 2: 9

You Always Reveal Yourself, Lord

2007-01-18T23:37:00.000-08:00

I definitely have a love hate relationship with this here blog. First the hate part, because it is the simplest.

I HATE YOU BLOG!!
~Writing is one thing that I don’t always like to do. For me, it involves way too much thinking. Like Nike, I am much more of a "just do it" kind of person. I don’t like to really think things over and make sure everything sounds good and is in the right place. I would rather just type what is on my mind and that is the end of it. Writing is not one of my favorite things to do. But this blog here has been a real thorn in my side. I find myself reading and re-reading my blogs to make sure that they sound alright. Every time I have never been satisfied with the way my blogs flowed and how they sounded. But for some reason I would publish the blog how it was. Now if you know me, I never would normally do this. I am a perfectionist. Need I say more....?? If I am not satisfied with something I would either do it until I was totally and utterly content with what I have done, or I would quit all together and try again another time. Normally this never happens for writing, because I dislike it. I never think too hard about what I want to write, and if I do write something, I rarely ever will go through and make sure it sounds ok.

But I’m not just writing a blog because. I am writing to God. Man, can I even say that. Are my words even close enough to being worthy to write to God? In all my nothingness, God still loves me, and he accepts everything that I give to him, even my blogs. And that is the exact reason why I love this Blog....

Now the part that is a little harder to understand and a lot harder to write. Here is the love part.

I LOVE YOU BLOG!!
~Connecting and spending time with God is something that is hard for a lot of people to do. And trust me; I am right there with everyone on it. I find myself on fire, reading and eating up the gospel every free second I have in the day.

And life is GREAT!!!

But then slowly, since things are going so good, I start to lose myself and the direction I was going. And I take all that God has given me the past few days, and abuse it. I decide I can go out with friends tonight, and tomorrow morning I catch up on my reading. Then the morning comes, and since I am feeling so good, I decide I don’t need to read today because I don’t need it.....

Let me get back to what I was saying before I jump too far ahead of myself. See I love this blog. It is probably one of the greatest things that have happened to me my entire life. I’m scared of it. I don’t really ever know what I am going to write about, and I get scared because I don’t want to make a fool of myself in front of whoever reads what I write. Sometimes, days go by and I haven’t written anything. So I worry. Another day goes by, and I worry more. Nothing.... I have nothing to write when I worry. But then I take time to give everything and all my worries over to God. Surrender to him, and he provides. Just like he always does. I study. I read. I pray. I ask for advice from my mentors and friends. And then I write. Whatever God is telling me, I write it out. And it always works. Always.

That’s why I love this blog so much. It is teaching me something I never would expect from writing a blog. Surrender. Anything and everything. He is always there waiting to take over my life. And when he does... complete bliss. God is good.

Now, let me start back up with what I was talking about a few paragraphs up. You see the devil deceives. He lies. He tricks. That is what he is. And when you are close to God that is when you are most vulnerable to him. When you are close to God and you are reading his word you are growing in him. As you grow you start to see your life going great and things seeming to just happen and fall into place. It’s because the Holy Spirit is with you. Because God is finding joy in the fact that you are reading and learning his word (Psalm 1:1;2 How well God must like you .... you thrill to God's word, you chew on scripture day and night). You need to understand that the word is his son. The word is Jesus. And when you read Jesus, and learn from Jesus; you start to live like him. You start to become one with the universe and everything that is going on in it, and life flows. You are living a life as God intended. But as soon as you start to veer off the road and you stop reading and learning, the devil sees. And he knows that you are in an exposed part of life because he knows that we don’t understand why life is so easy. But now you do. It’s because of the word. It’s because the word is Jesus. And as soon as we understand that, Satan won’t have a weak spot to attack. Just remember next time you feel good, and remember God.

Praise our lord for everything, because that is what he has given us.

Tonight I wanted to write. I wanted to say something to the world to help them grow closer to God. I wanted to show people how amazing he was. I didn’t know what to write until I was looking around my computer. There is an option that is on everyone’s computer. It lets you hide and folders that you want hidden from people just looking around on your computer. And until you enable you computer to show the hidden files, it looks like nothing is there. Well I had an old journal as one of these hidden folders. When I enabled the option to show me the hidden files, there it was. And when I opened it this was one thing that I found. And I knew God wanted to share it with everyone....

God
You are my God
I shout your name as loud as I can from mountain peaks
Because I want the world to know about your love
How sad it is that people live without knowing why they are living

God
Give me strength to help them
Give me the wisdom to show them the truth
Use me as a warrior for your kingdom
Give me power to strike down sin, and defeat wretched demons

God
Your praise drips from my lips like water from icicles on a warm winter day
Who am I to want anything in life
All I should devote my life to, is praising you
I worship you with everything I am

God
You are my God
But I will share you with the world

Dear Lord,
You are so good.....

2007-01-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

*~FAITH~*

What really is faith. A quick web search brought me this definition. Lets talk about it...

faith -- (fth)n.1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

Last year around this time i had one of the biggest adrenaline rushes of my life. I agreed to go with a bunch of friends down south to a little city called Eloy. Even though i said it was little, there was one huge thing in it. It was the number one skydiving capitol in the Nation. That’s pretty much the only reason anyone even came to this little town. To be completely honest I don’t even know if it can be balled a town, because there is only 2 or 3 total streets in the entire area! Anyways, after 15 minutes of schooling, we got strapped in and boarded a plane. At this point, i have no idea how to sky dive. I know you have to pull some string thing so the parachute comes out. Then you land softly on the ground, some how steering yourself with some pulley’s. I was ready to sky dive!!!! Not... I was terrified out of my mind. But i remember one thing my friend told me, "Have FAITH in your instructor, they will take care of everything for you." You see, the first time you go you have to be strapped to an expert. These guys have jumped thousands of times out of planes. Some even ten thousands of times. So they really know what they are doing. But still, I was scared they might forget something, or they might try and be cool and show off. And then something would go terribly wrong! But I had to have faith in them. And so did everyone one else that has ever gone skydiving. And that’s what I want to talk about.

EVERYONE HAS FAITH
Im reading this amazing book right now by Rob Bell. Its called Velvet Elvis and its getting more popular in the Christian community everyday. In the first chapter he talks about faith and makes some amazing points that I really feel I need to share with whoever reads my blog! So most of this stuff im going to be talking about is coming from him....

I realized that day that everyone that goes sky diving for the first time has to have faith in their instructor, or else no one would ever go. I had faith, my friends all had faith, and the people there i had never seen before in my life had faith. How do i know that...?? Because there is no one in the world that would jump out of a plane 13,000 feet in the air, strapped to a person who is suppose to get them to the ground safe and unharmed, without having faith in them. When it comes to faith, everyone has it. Some people might try to say that they don’t have faith in anything, because its just too hard for them. But like Rob Bell puts it, "Everybody has faith. Everybody is following somebody.

Here is a great example of this. Lets say there is a person who believes in the creation story. Everything that happens in Genesis. And they believe that God has plans and a purpose for everyone in this world. While at the same time, someone believes that there is no reason for life. That we evolved from monkeys and when we die nothing is going to happen. This is not and argument between a person of faith and a person without faith. Because these are both faith perspectives. They are just built on a system of different BELIEFS.

Rob Bell says, "an atheist is a person of tremendous belief." When we talk about the things that matter the most, we aren’t talking about faith or no faith, belief or no belief. We are talking about faith in what? Belief in what? He says,"the real question isn't whether we have it or not, but what we put in it.

This last little sentence really started to get me to think. You see, everyone follows somebody. There isn't a soul out there who isn't influenced by a person, or a thing. We make decisions every second that effect our lives in dramatic ways. All these decisions start with out beliefs. And those beliefs had to come from somewhere. We all have been formed by different people, places, and things. Weather it be our parents, teachers, advertisements, science, mentors, friends... we are taking all this information and living our lives by it. Because its what we believe.
Some people even try to say that they are following themselves. That they don’t follow a person or a religion. But they got that perspective from someone else. They got that idea from somebody.

BELIEVERS
This is where it really hits home with me. And i hope that you feel the same way. Now that you understand that everyone has faith, we need to decide for ourselves what we are going to have faith in. This is one of the greatest things God could ever give us, and almost everyone on the earth overlooks it. Its called free will. Because we can believe in whatever we want. People just get blinded by the world and the possesions inside of it. If everyone was smart, they would live the best possible life they could. Because it would bring them the most happiness. Let me give you and example. I as a christian am trying to live a life just as Jesus has taught me to. I believe that this is the best possible way for me to live. Rob Bell really puts it into blunt truth with these next few sentences. He says....

Im convinced being generous is a better way to live.

Im convinced forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way to live.

Im convinced having compassion is a better way to live.

Im convinced pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live.

Im convinced listening to the wisdom of others is a better way to live.

Im convinced being honest with people is a better way to live.

I believe in everything that he is talking about. And who wouldn't. Really take a second to read over these few sentences and ask yourself, what is wrong with anyone of these. I promise you there is nothing you will come up with. And you know how i know it. Because this is what we were made for. God created us to love, and to live a life like his son Jesus did. See, when you start to live a life like Jesus did, you start to realize something. As time goes on you see yourself living more "in tune" with reality. You are more in sync with the universe and everything that is going on with it. In other words, life is easier. God is amazing. There is nothing beyond God. I know you have beliefs and faith in something. And if you didnt know it, then now you do. So take that next step and find out what you believe in, and what you have faith in. And Jesus will be there waiting for you, showing you the next step.

I want to leave you with a verse on of my good friends shared with me the other day. THANKS VERSE BUDDY!!!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
- Romans 8:38-39

Follow Jesus, and you will understand the Love of our God.

Lord, how mysterious you are. You have the ability to control and force every one of us lord, because we are your creation. But through your Love for us God, you have given us free will; the ability to choose our beliefs and our faith. I praise you God for what you have given me, and I worship your name every second of my life. Even though my praise is unworthy, I give my life to you day after day, because you are worthy. I pray God that my words will touch someone out there that needs them. I pray God that you are able to open the eyes of the hearts of all the people in the world God; so that they may see your majesty. Lord words fall short trying to explain who you are and what you do God. That is why I live like Jesus. And that is why I LIVE LOUD. God give me the courage not to use words, but to use actions to show people the glory of your kingdom. Give me your love lord, because I choose to have faith in you. I choose to believe in you God, because you believe in me. In your precious name,

Amen

2006-12-31T13:21:00.000-08:00

Show me Lord

God I’ve never cried out so loud for you
Tears of pain and loneliness drip inside of me

I scream out your name; Nothing
Just shallow echoes repeating my words

Have you forgotten about me
Have you forgotten about one of your children

I yearn so bad to become close to you again
I want you in my life Lord, leading and guiding

I can feel you there, but for some reason I won’t let you in
Your presence is like the crash of ocean waves on a rocky cliff shore

This is me God, look inside me. See, there is nothing there
Because without you Lord, I am a worthless vessel

You are the light that gives me life
You are the word that shows me the way

I’m done with what I have Lord
What I have is selfishness and greed

I want you now God, I want you in my life once again
I’m breaking the barrier of my heart open for you, only you

Come inside me Lord and show me your way
I’ve had enough of myself....

Phil 4:13

2006-12-29T14:48:00.000-08:00

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

Devotion

2006-12-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

Today was like no other day…

I’ve been back in Oregon for the past two weeks or so visiting my friends and family over the winter break. For the most part I have been pretty busy meeting up with old friends, and spending time with family members that I only get to see a few times a year. For the last two weeks I have had something to do every day, and it was hard for me to try and find devotional time to spend with Jesus. I always would tell myself that I want to really sit down, and take the time to learn something new. I never wanted to rush into devotion just for the sake of saying I did it. So when a new day would come and go, I would say to myself, late at night, that tomorrow I am going to take the time to sit down and devote all of myself to my Lord, Jesus Christ. Over and over this would happen to me, until I got to the point that I felt sick inside. All most like that feeling when you got when you were younger, and you would leave home for a long period of time. Homesick…. I was truly homesick. But not from being in Oregon. It was from being away from the one who has given me everything in my life. It was from me realizing how selfish I was being. It was from a hole inside of me that can only be filled with one thing. And that is the love of out Lord.

So how do I go about fixing this hole that is inside of me? Well, like I said before, today was like no other day. I finally found a day where I was sitting down, hopeless. I had not one thing to do, not one person I felt like talking to, and not one thing on my mind. At first I thought to myself, “man my life must suck. Look at me sitting here with nothing to do. I’m sure that all my other friends are up to something, and they are not just sitting here like me, doing nothing.” Then slowly but surely I felt the Lord pulling me close to him. I finally have free time to praise our Lord for all the glorious things he has done in my life. And that’s when it hit me. Like a ton of brick straight to the head… Who am I to only devote time to the Lord when I feel my life is empty? How selfish and conceded I am.

I think that a lot of people in this world are in the same position that I am in. The only thing is, they don’t realize what I have realized today. We need to all understand how awesome God’s glory is. We need to all realize that God has given us everything in our life. That billions of thank you’s, and loving comments could never make up for what God has given every person on this earth. And once we have understood that, we won’t wait for the day that we have nothing to do to Praise our Lord. We will do it everyday, every hour, and every minute, because that is what God is worthy of. We need to take the time out of our everyday selfish lives to praise our father. It shouldn’t ever be the other way around.

Devotion is a hard thing to understand for people. To me, it’s the ability to give up everything you are in order to have a profound dedication and concentration on one thing. That one thing should be the same to every person, Jesus Christ. There isn’t one other thing in this materialistic world that we should give devotion to, other then God. Because in order to devote ourselves, we have to give ourselves up to that thing we are concentrating on. And if we are concentrating on anything else besides God, there is no way of giving ALL of who we are up. This might be confusing to some people to I will break it up for you.

We belong to God. We do not have the power to give ourselves up to anything, without it being God’s will. And God wants us only to love him, and praise his name all over the earth. Therefore, we can only devote our time and give all of ourselves up to God. Nothing else.

We need to understand that everything in our lives comes from God. Once we understand that, devoting time to him will be routine. So take the time now, after reading what I have wrote you, and LOVE GOD, because he loves you so much….

Here are some tips on devotion, hope they help....
http://mydevotion.com/whatwedo.htm

What should i write...??

2006-12-21T21:54:00.000-08:00

There isn’t anything in my head right now that i want to put down in writing. But i know i want to put something down. I want to reach out to people and be able to teach them what i know, and tell them what i have been through. I want to help people understand what life is about, and how i can make it so much easier for them if they would just take the time to sit down and listen to me. I want to be able to praise our Lords name to people who don’t believe in him. I don’t want to be afraid of anything that crosses my path or anyone that rejects me. It sounds so easy to do, but when i try to put it into action, it never turns out how i want it to. I think the main reason i have a problem is because of my lack of confidence. But who do i lack confidence in?? Am i doing this for our Lord, Jesus Christ?? or am i doing this for myself?? Because if i am doing this for Christ, then i should have a worry in the world. Because he is always with me. Guiding me. Giving me words and wisdom on my journey through life. But if im doing this for me, then everything i am typing is nonsense. But its not. I know its not. And that’s why i am writing. Because if it was nonsense i would get the better of myself and you wouldn't be reading one word of what i am typing, because i would never post it. I don’t know if what i am writing down is going to be good or bad. I don’t know if anyone will even read it. But i do know that i am writing it down.... I am praising our God, Jesus Christ. I am worshiping him though my words.

I am going to try something out for the next part of my life. I am going to dedicate at least one day a week to this blog. I have no idea what i am going to write every week, but i know that i am going to write something. Just for the sake of praising his name. I know i have something to offer the world. Sometimes its just not as clear as i would like it to be.

Dear Lord,
Please give me strength and confidence in your words. lead my life in the direction of salvation, and use me for your will. I believe in you and your love father, and i want to make a difference. I want to change peoples lifes and bring them into your glorious kingdom. Your love is enough, Lord, and i praise you every second of my life for it.
Amen

I will give thanks to the Lord because of his rightousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.
- Psalm 7:17