I'm Waiting God

A good friend once tried to convince me to trust and wait on the Lord. “Create a plan”, they said. Fast, pray, take time alone. “Make rules”, they followed with. What to say and what not to say. How to act and how not to act. “If you want wisdom, if you want answers.... trust and wait on the Lord.”

Trusting and Waiting.... why are these the two hardest things to do in my life? I want answers, I want certainty, and I want it now. I want to take hold of my life and the direction its going and decide what is best. For some odd reason I keep telling myself that I know what that is. Foolishness.

I find myself on an hourly basis worrying about where my life is going and who I’m going to share it with. I think about what I need to say to who, and what I can do to make sure I get what I want. I’ve found that I’m a little too far ahead of myself though. Because I thought I knew what I wanted, and to be honest I still think I do. But in the end it comes down to him. It comes down to me trusting and waiting. It’s the scariest thing i’ve ever began to embark on in my life, and I’m afraid.

A good friend once told me, “God is not a safe, but he is good.”

You

When my mind is blank it's easy to step forward. One thought is like 3 steps back. Control is not an easy task. So what's going to happen when i see you? I've never ran a marathon backwards before...

Mercy Me!

Church today was amazing! We learned about the power of mercy... How we can show mercy to others just as God has shown mercy to us. In fact, it goes even deeper then that...

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

God is good. This is my prayer...

Lord let me spend time today with the people you wan't me to spend time with...
If I'm the student, help me learn well. If I'm the teacher, help me act humbly.

Time to be Alone

I've had a revelation since i got back from Oregon and it has nothing to do with anyone I know. For some odd reason I have had a craving for time alone. If you know me at all then you know this is pretty crazy for me to be saying, but i swear to you its true. I never knew how fulfilling it was to spend the majority of my time by myself. I read a friends blog the other day about life. They were talking about wanting to live their life, and not just exist. But I've taken their views in a different vain. For a little bit i just want to exist... I don't want to live. Is that bad? I don't know... but its been working out for me.

I've never been able to feel this close to god before. I guess you could say its like fasting.... but from your friends, not food. It's totally different then i thought it would be, but more rewarding then i could have imagined. I find myself digging into my bible on a regular basis. Praying when I'm bored, and simply meditating on life and life decisions when I'm at home. This might not be for everyone, but for me, it feels like its been a life savor.

Now onto a different topic. Kinda...

I can't say I'm super happy with where I'm living and the direction my life is going. Getting away from Arizona for a week started scrambling up my future goals and direction for life. There was a little bit of a road block I encountered before I left that had to do with a group of my closest friends. The road block wont be talked about for sake of time and space on this blog, but it was something that pushed me farther away from the people I love. I know it wasn't intended to. In fact, the intention was just the opposite. I just couldn't help but take it the way my heart did, and not my mind. And now I'm sitting here, day after day, torn between loving the alone time I'm having and trying not to tell myself that I'm having alone time to spite my friends. I guess some of the greatest things in life come from when you are rock bottom.... but when do you start to pull yourself back to the surface?

A BIRD

I wish I was a bird
I wish I was a bird in love

Constantly pursuing the one I adore
Repeatedly failing
My persistence would be beautiful

I wish I was a bird in love

Hello Blog

First off, i want to apologize for not using you in over a year. I never want you to feel that neglected! Secondly, i promise you i am going to start giving you more attention. I just need to get the words sorted in my brain first. You will be there first to know when i do. I love you. I'm so sorry. Until next time...

Your beloved owner,
Chris